A Resignation Letter

The life in me has been paled out.
My spirit hollowed out by the immensity of burdens that everybody carries.
Why should I go on?
Why should I go home today?
What is the point of living if I only live not to cause the few that care worry?

I am immensely tired.
The sun may rise in the east but atleast it settles in a final location.
And so it is with life, at the very end there is but death.
A death I so rightly deserve, not for my various inadequacies.
No.
I deserve rest.
To drift off into a sleep so peaceful that from which there is no return.
No tomorrow morning.
Nothing but sweet darkness.

In your arms I commend my spirit.
But for they that believe not in Alderon...
There is a welcoming nothingness whose allure I want to give into.
I cannot go on anymore.

JOB 38:11

Story of My Life

Wreathed in immense pain
She abstains from you
For what is there to gain
In so vain a side of you?
Wastes her life chained
To an idea ingrained in her, you
Of a much simpler time
When her heart was mine

I'm numb to all
Most certainly to you
If I only never did fall
Did fall for you
I have longed for your call
To ask me back to you
To a much simpler time
When your heart was mine

We're all looking at the past
In all us, there's a you
Struggling with a question
we're afraid to ask:
"Will you?"
Yet we sigh and smile past
The ache in our hearts
Of a much simpler time
When your heart was mine.


Crap. I can't barely write anything decent enough to be termed as 'turd'. *sigh*

R.E

Scratch my wrist with a ball point
My crimson reasoning flows
Writing like this makes me whole
Till all my emotions I let go.
I thought I'd write for you, instead
I dig in deeper just for me
There's something poetic about bloodletting
I'm being as poetic as can be.

For Plugie

He yearned without bitterness
That which tasted sweetest
Yea, Sweetness
Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?
I saw
H.E.R
Eyes locked
Smiles formed
Hearts skipped beats
And the world took a breath...

Randalf Ethereal

The question is;
is having had and lost really better than not having had at all?

An Honourable Heartache

There comes a time when deeds must needs be done,
When the heart dies, and one languishes in the ashes of cremated rapports.
I have done my duty, lit the acquaintancy and watched it diminish into flickering embers.
All I ask is you do yours, lie there still and not rock the urn.
Isn't it but natural to defend yourself from that what harms?
You once said you didn't want to hurt me...anymore.
I once said, I'd support you in any decision you make.
This is my way of supporting you, in the most natural way I know.
Let distance mark our wishes, and wishes our lies.


"For all of my life I have searched for your face
and now I have seen it
I've now seen the smile, the eyes,
felt the wondrous embrace of the face I've been looking for
my soul has searched forever for the luminous face that I now behold before me..."
Jalal ad-Din Rumin

Ten Things I've Learnt This Past Month

There comes a time every month or so when a teenager feels too important to be bothered by mundane things like love. Yes, I do have a blog for inane ramblings like these but I feel like writing this over here so bear with me or die!

Ten things that I've learnt this past month, the 10th being something I learnt today on NatGeo. I probably have too much time on my hands but since I've vowed to keep my phones off for a week or two...I have thus immersed myself in the learning of SHIT as follows:

10. Cain & Abel fought over their twin sister Adah. Or was it Zillah. Anyway, Moses being the author of the Books of the Torah took Egyptian oral tradition and added it as part of Israelite tradition. That was some shit.

9. Prince Charles' great grandfather had an affair with Princess Camila's great grandmother. Their love lies in the family.

8. I have a big head.

7. David Koresh firmly believed that he was a modern day Cyrus the Great & was assassinated by the FBI because firstly they could and secondly to avenge the four ATF officers who died fighting him. I also learned that ATF stands for Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms.

6. Marilyn Monroe had pointy titties. She was assassinated because she knew too much about JFK and his brother and their dealings. They shoved barbiturates up her ass (!) after they'd killed her to make it look like suicide.

5. God doesn't care about my uncertainties.

4. Neither do the girls who are "stalking" me.

3. I hate lesbians. This is not because they repulse me, all sexually active women repulse me, I just hate the double-standard stance the world has taken on homosexuality.

2. Two words: Squidgygate transcript.

1. ALL WOMEN ARE BITCHES. I have now said it on the net so its official. (Since the bearers of Oestrogen chorus eternally that all men are dogs -they say this disregarding their fathers, brothers, uncles etc- and no one dares correct them I have stated the flipside of the coin and dare anyone contradict)

That said, have a looong holiday. Cheers.

When Love Ebbs into Acquaintancy

There are words within me, that beg stringing.
Thoughts that demand attention.
Shameful am I to have them.
Thoughts of words I should not speak.
Yet as the two of us, we have weathered far worse.
What would be so tragic about admitting that we are no longer in love?

When friendship grows into love...

Too often I have to remind my fellows that we aren't friends, we are acquaintances. I have become, shall we say, indifferent to the protocols & formalities of interaction. We only share a moment of time while with my friends I share experiences, thoughts, ideas, feelings. But most of all I share with my friends great stretches of time, over and over without awkward silences & emotions.

When acquaintances become friends...

When lovers become acquaintances. Perhaps unnatural, it does happen and is nothing to be ashamed of. Why the words refuse to roll off my tongue is beyond me. It means nothing really, nothing much shall change. You are, after all, acquaintances...why should it matter?

Falling

As I write this, I'm listening to Dido's "Life For Rent".
I'm thinking, the weather is beginning to get to me. Fucking Nazi clouds. I'm a few similar days away from taking a bullet. But fuck it, I've met a woman.

"Marry me for an hour, Maureen!"

Her brand of perfume........
My left hand begins to shake,
I stare off into space.

I like to feel her eyes on me when I look away.

This passion is what you feel before you fall in love. Things that accord in tone vibrate together, says Confucius. Hmm..... Today I got my Shakespeare on and tried confusions with her. Should've known any mumblings of a smitten man are simply the mumblings of a smitten man. Its sad, what I'm reduced to. Wanting her to know that I want her to want me. So much wanting.

Don't fall in love son!

Her

Intimacy?
You know instinctively,
that when she asks you to make love,
you ask what page of the cookbook its on.